I have a question that has been eating up my insides for close to two years now. I have reason to believe my partner is living as non monogamy but has forgotten or is in complete denial, to actually tell me this. What should I Do? I do not and will not live a lie while they look for other partners. I am monogamous. Otherwise, I will remain single, with out this partner. I can’t do it. I am starting to resent and I’m afraid, staring to hate my partner for not being open about their true wishes. We were always honest in the beginning, and I still am. But I’m 98% sure they are not. What should I do and how do I get my partner to communicate, to be truthful?

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.

People do not “forget” to tell their partners they are non-monogamous. Maybe once I could see that being an excuse. But other than that, what they are doing is cheating on you. That’s not non-monogamy. That’s cheating.

If you want to be monogamous, then you cannot date someone who does not want to be monogamous. You absolutely can be alone and I would actually advise you to, as scary as it may be, be alone than be with someone who is not giving you the relationship you want. If your partner is not being honest with you and you are unhappy, you should break up with them and find someone who makes you happy.

You cannot, unfortunately, force someone to tell you the truth if that’s not something they want to do. You’ve only been with them for it sounds like two years. You have plenty of time to find someone else. I would cut your losses and find someone who treats you better. Or better yet, spend some time alone and learn to be comfortable with being alone. Then it will be easier for you in the future to leave people who are not treating you the way you want to be treated.

I hope this helps, and good luck.

Note: I wrote this column in 2018, so it’s possible my perspective on this may have shifted or expanded. Please feel free to resubmit a similar question.

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